Oh Hey I’m Going to Cut You Off Here

As mentioned in passing in a previous post, the discussions that take place in class are mired in, well, a terrible, seemingly incurable epidemic. It’s infectious, contagious, and the worst part of it is, most of the time you don’t realize you’ve got it! But it’s probably the worst condition for a social worker to have. It is the equivalent of a DJ at a popular and crowded techno club having epilepsy.

It is the chronic yet often involuntary need to constantly interrupt people.

Now, I know I do this a lot, but when I do notice I’m doing it, I stop. I backtrack. I apologize for interrupting and am conscious of it for the remainder of the conversation. I am not immune to this disease, but it has become the subject of much ire as of late.

I know I’m not a social worker yet, which means that a lot of what I expect social workers to be in terms of personality or have in terms of skills is probably going to end up being irrelevant. These expectations are mine and mine alone, and I’m more than prepared to have them proven unrealistic. Still, I do not think it is a stretch to hold a standard that social workers need to be very aware of how they interact with the people around them.

Let me set the scene, here. The lecturer has opened the class to discussion. Hands go flying up to signal that people have things to say, but before the lecturer can call on someone, someone in the front just starts talking and making her point. Hands fly up as she concludes, but then someone else butts in with a response, comment, or rebuttal to the point just made. Rinse repeat. Then, every so often and more often than ideal, people will actually start responding before the individual has finished talking.

On occasion, I have seen classmates of mine interrupt the lecturer to share a personal story! It makes me wonder that if these social workers are ever in a room with a client and the client starts crying, are they going to just jump in and say “OH HEY LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THAT TIME I CRIED”?

I have even witnessed a situation where a colleague who had just given a presentation was being asked a question by someone in the class… only she started defending her presentation before the question could actually be asked. And this carried on for ten minutes, going back and forth; the presenter is trying to defend her project while the questioner trying to ask her question, and the entire time the presenter is addressing points that are wholly irrelevant to what the questioner actually means to ask.

They warn us about bad-mouthing our colleagues behind their backs but look, this wasted 10 minutes of everyone’s time. It was wholly unnecessary. If the presenter had just shut her trap and let the questioner finish asking the damn question, the entire affair might have been over with in under 2 minutes.

Still, if this seems a bit snippy of me, please excuse me. I am merely trying to paint a picture. The point is, an awful lot of people, social workers among them, interrupt and cut each other off all the time. Unknowingly in many cases and intentionally in some. But why do we do this? What is the explanation here? I’ve conjectured a few explanations for this, and I would encourage you to consider which applies to you when you stop and suddenly realize that, hey, you just cut that person off.

1. We feel that what we have to say is the most relevant out of all the points that could be made in response to a certain statement.

2. We want validation for our viewpoints as being either unique, insightful, or correct.

3. We assume we know what the person is going to say and begin formulating our response (and voicing it) without actually listening to the whole story or question.

4. We enjoy being the driver of the conversation and the most active participant in group conversations.

5. We are trying to keep the person we’re talking to from diverting the topic of conversation down a path we don’t want it to go.

6. We are more concerned with saying what we want to say rather than listening to what the other person wants us to hear.

There are more, but these are the six that I feel cover an awful lot of ground, particularly in the case of #5. Interruption can certainly be used—sparingly—as a tool to contain a topical conversation or it can be used as a defense mechanism to keep lighthearted encounters from going into dark places.

Think of a time you were interrupted. You were not given the chance to have your say or complete your story. How did that make you feel?

Now, think of a time you interrupted someone. How do you think that made the person feel? How many times do you think you may have interrupted someone without even knowing it?

What can you do to help yourself recognize when you’re doing it?

Point is, we know what’s going on in our heads better than pretty much anyone else. Some of us are also more able—and willing—to translate what’s going in those heads into coherent, communicable words that we want to share. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. But if you’re someone who does enjoy sharing their thoughts and feelings with others, consider that when you interrupt someone, you are denying them that same pleasure that you yourself seek.

In class, you can perhaps use the excuse that time is short and you want to get your say in to boost your participation mark before class is over. Maybe that’s true of group conversations had while friends are hanging out, or even while two people are chatting just before they have to part ways. But the fact of the matter is, there’s always going to be time to say what you’re thinking, and it doesn’t require you cutting someone else off mid-stream.

Yes, I have a right to share my thoughts and they probably are insightful and interesting, but how about I put my hubris aside for just a second to let someone else have that very same right? It goes beyond etiquette or manners; this is just being respectful of one another as peers. Conversations are better for it, discussions are stronger for it, and relationships are healthier for it. Let someone finish their story—and listen to what they have to say—before you respond… because wouldn’t you like to finish talking when you’re speaking instead of getting cut off halfway because someone else thinks what they have to say is more important?